i feel like posting the words and emails that i get weekly from Jimmy and karen of www.marriagetoday.org,

TAKE a look of the emails that ive got;its a reality that we should be aware of as husband and wife

Research has shown that many of the more serious fights in marriage
occur on a dream level. What this means is that in all of our hearts
we entertain certain deeply embedded desires and dreams. Many of them
go back for many years, even into our childhood. Also, many of them
are so deeply entrenched in our psyches that we don't think of them on
a conscious level.

For example, it is common for a woman to have the dream of living in a
house with a white picket fence. Women also commonly dream of having a
loving husband who is a present partner with them in raising a family.

It is also common for men to dream of having a wife who adores them
and thinks they hung the moon. Men often dream of having a wife who
takes care of the house well and prepares good meals for them.

With our dreams deeply lodged within our hearts, we embark upon
marriage. Our hopes run high when we date and even during the
honeymoon phase of marriage. The problems begin when we begin to
violate each others dreams.

For example, when a man begins to work late or stay out with his
friends too often, it is violating to his wife for obvious reasons.
However, what isn't so obvious is the fact that his insensitive
behavior is actually ruining her chances of living out her dream.

On the other side, when he comes home and finds her angry and
accusatory, his dream is also broken. It only makes matters worse if
other areas of her behavior don't line up with what he has hoped for.

It is important for us to realize that we all have dreams. It helps
when we are able to bring them out in the open and talk about them
together as a couple. What helps even more is a commitment to be each
other's "dream makers" and not "dream breakers."

I encourage you to really think about this. Do you know your spouse's
dreams? Do you really care? Have you ever committed to make their
dreams come true? This is really important and it will make a big
difference in your marriage.

One of the greatest enemies of any marriage is sarcasm. To understand
why it is so dangerous, let's begin by understanding the definition of
the word. Here is the American Heritage Dictionary definition:

1. A cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound.
2. A form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and
is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.

The phrase "intended to wound" says it all. Sarcasm comes from a root
word meaning "to rend". It is a punitive act that is designed to make
a person pay a price for something they've done or for who they are.
In other words, it stems from unresolved anger, bitterness and
judgment.

The greatest problem with sarcasm is how broadly it is accepted in our
society. Television and movies are full of sarcastic stars that are
presented as funny and intelligent because of their "quick wit" and
ability to put others in their place. The real problem is that it
doesn't work in real life. It is devastating to relationships and the
person on the other end of the sarcasm is demeaned and devalued. To
put it bluntly sarcasm is sinful and is the devil's instrument to hurt
people and ruin relationships.

Unfortunately, sarcasm is a prominent feature in many, if not most
marriages. It is equally used by men and women. It is also a glaring
sign that anger isn't being dealt with properly and we are trying to
use our tongues to punish and ridicule our spouses into compliance.

If you are a sarcastic person, you need to stop. More importantly, you
need to be honest with your anger and deal with it in a righteous
manner. First of all, admit that you are angry. Secondly, don't
justify unrighteous behavior or meanness. Thirdly, forgive your spouse
and ask God for the strength to deal with hurts and disappointments
righteously. Fourthly, talk to your spouse in a respectful and honest
manner concerning your feelings and then leave the results to God.

Never allow yourself to use sarcasm. Also, when you do or are tempted
to do so, take responsibility for your actions and for dealing with
your anger properly. It is a huge issue in your marriage and in any
relationship you value.

One of the surest ways to doom a conversation is to begin harshly.
Research at the University of Washington proves that the tone of the first three
minutes of a "conflict oriented conversation" between spouses dictates the
results. Specifically, if the confrontation begins with threats, insults or
harshness in the first three minutes, the rest of the encounter is doomed.

To resolve conflict in your marriage or any relationship, you must learn to keep
your emotions under control and begin with kindness. Look at this jewel of
wisdom from the book of Proverbs:

"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of
the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth
foolishness." Proverbs 15:1-2 NKJV

All of us become defensive when someone comes at us aggressively in a
conversation. We also become angry when someone threatens or insults us. On the
other hand, when someone is humble and respectful, we lower our defenses and
respond in kind.

We all become angry with our spouse and have times when we need to
confront one another. That is just a fact of life. However, the way we do it is
critical. Even though our fallen nature wants to respond to anger with
aggression and pride, it never produces good results. Never.

When (not if) we become angry, we need to get our emotions under control before
saying anything to our spouse. After a few minutes or a
few hours (not overnight or a few days), we can then talk to our spouse about
what is bothering us. As we do this, we must remember to begin with displays of
kindness and commitment.

As you consider this issue, let me offer you an example of a lead-in to a
successful confrontation: "Honey, I love you very much and I'm committed to our
relationship. There are so many great things about you I am so grateful for. I
need to talk to you about something that is bothering me, but before I do, I
just want you to know that I love you and we are on the same team."

This is the tone of a successful confrontation that will lead to
resolution and deeper intimacy.

File this factoid under "T" for, "tragic but true."

Many studies indicate that over half of all divorces take place over
money matters.

While I would suspect that money is not the real root problem in many
of these cases, the undeniable fact is that checkbooks, credit cards,
and past due bills are the sparks that fly in many disputes between
husbands and wives.

For others, financial issues represent a constant, crushing pressure
that squeezes the joy, romance and life from the relationship. That
sad truth is, for many marriages today, the wedding vows should be
changed to read "until debt do us part."

That's why, before I finish writing, I want to make a special resource
available to you.